For most of my life I had issues with happiness. I've dealt with depression since at least 5th grade {I could blame it on the horrible girls who quite literally hated me and the small class size...but let's not go there today}. I wasn't always deep in the throws of horrible depression. Sometimes I was even greatly happy. But other times...
  When I started high school I moved from a small little class of about 17 into a public school where my freshman class was 500 something {and we were a smaller class}. I knew no one. Eventually I made a friend or two, but all the kids I was with had already banded together in middle school while I'd been in a teeny tiny private school. This led to me spiraling even more into depression.
  The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school my mother got married. This led to us moving to a tiny town in Kansas, where yet again I knew no one. The high school was much smaller {my class was only about 100 something}. However I still was pretty depressed.
  I started dating a guy that year {who I ended up dating all throughout high school and who is my son's father}. If anything, dating him made me more depressed than I already was. He was a moody, depressed guy who pity partied ALL THE TIME.
  I found out I was pregnant about halfway through my junior year of high school. Needless to say, shocker. But instead of getting into an even worse depression, this sort of buoyed me. Instead of simply living day by day in my own personal made hell, I had someone to live for. Now I'm not advocating teen pregnancy or saying that getting pregnant is a solve all to all depression, I'm just saying God knew what he was doing.
  After I had my son I was tired, I was working my butt off to take care of him, and I still am. This little booger is the craziest most energetic little boy, possibly in the world. But he has truly helped me find my happiness.
  I was always doodling and such when I was younger but I never truly got into art until college. To be honest, I'm not even entirely sure why I majored in art. It sort of just happened {it seems like a lot of good stuffs just been happening lately}. At the end of my freshman year I switched over to Art Ed {again, just sort of happened}. I honestly couldn't be happier with my choice. Besides the face that I will forever get to play with all types of art, I also get to share my excitement of art with another generation.
  Since I've started college I've started doing a lot more art. It has helped me with stress, depression, and just general moods. It is one of the things that has helped me find my happiness. I get a rush when I'm creating something new, especially when I love what I'm making. And one of the greatest things is when I make something and show it to my lil guy and HE loves it.
  This road to finding my happiness has been a long and tiring one, and I'm still not done with my journey. But then again, none of us are.

  Everyone has dreams. Wether it's just dreaming of the delicious pastry you get to eat in the morning, or your perfect dream house, we all dream. I have a few long term dreams that I'm extremely passionate about. Since this is the place I seem to purge out all my thoughts, I'll tell you guys.

1~ My first longterm dream is to survive wholly on my art. I create all sorts of different things. But I'd like to be able to just create everyday. On the summers {or year round} I want to travel around in an airstream with my son and teach classes and visit other artists studios. I want to be able to quit the day job and just do what I love and show my son that you don't have to conform to what everyone tells you, you can create what you want to do and be and succeed.

2~ I want to open up a gallery. The reason behind this is that there are alot of artists too shy to try and network themselves, I am one of them. Sure I have my blog and my etsy, but just writing a blog post I am terrified of what you guys out there might think. I want to find those artists who love to create but are too nervous to do anything about it and help them do something about it. I want to help give them a chance.

3~ I want to open up a studio conglomerate. Let me explain this one, I want to open up a sort of apartment building for studios. Have massive open houses, have a big dining hall where all the residents can come together and discuss what they're doing. Still don't know if I actually want to allow them to live there or have it be just studio spaces. But I love the idea of a bunch of artists in one general location all creating. I love to walk around in my art classes when I'm stuck and look at the other students work. And I think artists should have that chance too. Look at other people's work. Give their opinion, get inspired. And then massive open studios?! SICK!!

4~ I want to start a summer camp for young artists. I want to start like a legit summer camp for 14-17 year old artists. Different buildings for different mediums. Large scale artist games {still thinking through that one}. Cabins that are repainted every summer by the artists inside. And a big art show at the end where people from all over can come see what these kids have made. There's stuff out there for artists, sure. But I never had a really good art teacher. I even had a teacher once tell me to redo a piece cause she didn't like it. I want to have a big open forum for young artists where all they do and are surrounded by is art and beauty. I want to invite artists for talks and shows throughout the summer so these kids can meet them. I want to give them the oportunity to show their work to a larger scale audience. And I want it to be as big as it possibly can be. Knowing me I'll start doing camps over winter and spring break as well lol. I just...I want young artists to have the opportunity to create whatever they want without the fear of a grade hanging over their head. I want them to be able to attack every project with whatever materials they need/want. I want them to be able to go into the studio late at night if inspiration strikes and create. Not a rule-less place. But a free place. Where the rules are common sense.

  My dreams totally center around art. And that's great. That's what helps me to stay afloat in this crazy world. Creating gives me an outlet to put my feelings in. It gives me a way to explain myself when people don't really understand my words. It helps me feel alive. Find what helps you feel alive. Dream big. What's the worst that can happen? Then work hard to make your dreams a reality. The only way they can come true is if you work you butt off! And you can! Surround yourself with people who believe in you and want to help you. Find people who are passionate about the same things you are. Take a class! Find your voice. Then let it scream.

  So since I am an absolute pinterest JUNKY I obviously have aspirations to be a DIY queen. Let me show you some of my favorite DIY dreams. Things I can't wait to try, but have yet to tackle.

  I've found in life that you can never predict what's going to happen. You can hope and pray that what you want will happen. But then silly little life finds a way pop in a surprise. I'm still working on art, but it's gonna be harder for me to get on my lovely little blog. I'll keep posting pics from my sketchbook as much as I can. :)

  Well it's new years eve. Even though it's only 9:00 where I am it sure feels like midnight. I'm away visiting family and everyday is an exhausting wonderful time. But it seems like today, of all days, people have decided to look back upon the past year. Seeing all this, I figured it's time I do that for myself as well. So here are some things I've learned this past year

- Making art is not about pleasing others.
     ~I love to create art quite possibly more than anything else. But what I'm realizing is that you don't have to try and please the consumer, even if you want to sell your work. If you make good work, and pour your soul into it. People will find you. This year I sold my first art bag and my first painting. Knowing that people like what I make is incredibly exciting and is getting my creative juices flowing again!

- Being a mother is HARD.
       ~While I seem to learn this every year, it is still a good lesson. No mom is perfect, as much as we try to be. It is hard work to take care of another human, especially one with endless bouts of energy, puppy dog eyes, and concrete opinions on layering shirts and broccoli. Everyday that I make it through I'm grateful for.

- Being a mother is FANTASTIC.
       ~ For all the crap we moms have to deal with, being a mom is the best job in the world. Having a little person that you made give you a kiss, just cause they love you, is worth all the screams and turmoil and lost nights of sleep. I'm sure I'll never catch up on sleep, but I have love abounding.

- You will never be able to please anyone. So don't. Only please yourself.
      ~No matter how we try to do everything write for everyone, someone's going to be pissed. Without fail someone will be pissed that you washed the counters with a fancy cleaner instead of windex, or that your recordings are taking up space. No matter what you. The only person you need to worry about pleasing is yourself. Say you hate your job. Well, what would you rather be doing? Is there a way to make it profitable enough that you can survive {and your family}? THEN DO IT! And work at it! Do you hate the way you look? Fix it! I'm not saying go get massive reconstructive surgery! Just go get a haircut, get some new clothes. Dress in the way that makes you feel like the best version of yourself and apologize to no one.

- Teaching is not shoving information into someone's head.
     ~This past year I had one of the greatest teachers of my life. My drawing 2 professor. He was an ex military man who is now an incredible artist. Instead of throwing technique at us, he gave us general guidelines for projects, and then set us free. I learned so much more in doing what I wanted with some direction, then in classes upon classes of strict instruction. While you can't always do this, for my future career choice as an art teacher {and hopefully teacher over blog eventually}, lends itself MAJORLY to this.

  Overall, 2014 was a great year. I grew a lot in my art, and grew a lot with my little man. I'm learning to love him fully and not to worry about as many things as I usually do. I also learned that I do not need to rely on a man {hoping to continue this lesson in the future}. Thanks for spending part of this year with me! I can't wait to share with you guys what the new year brings!